Top 5 Tips to Avoid Being Brainwashed by Kim Kardashian

In a recent Instagram post, Kim Kardashian advertised her app, Kim Kardashian West:

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“Today on my app I’m sharing my top 5 Instagram tips on how to have the most fab insta feed! Go check it out! Link in my bio”

OBVIOUSLY I had to download the app so I could be as fab as Kim!!…. Well not actually, but I’m going to pretend that I’m an easily manipulated, Kardashian fan for the purposes of this blog.

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Caution: This app is free to download but requires a paid subscription to get full access 

Top 5 Tips to Avoid Being Brainwashed by Kim Kardashian

– a guide to the Kim Kardashian West App, and the non-conventional advertising techniques that are influencing millennials to buy into the Kardashian universe –

1. Don’t download the app

The easiest way to avoid buying something is to get out of the store. So if you REALLY don’t want to be influenced by the Kardashian mega-power, then you won’t download the app… but if you do, then stop kidding yourself, you’re OBSESSED!

2. Don’t pay for the subscription

When you download the app, you can view a lot of free content which features really thrilling advice, such as this example of what we at POSTAL like to call, “Nothing Articles.”

3. Avoid “Nothing Articles”

Nothing Articles are fake articles that seem to be implying one thing, when really they’re just an advertisement…

My Top 5 Instagram Tips: You guys already know how obsessed I am with Instagram, so I wanted to share my top 5 tips!

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Creepers: We launched a new fashion category called Trending this week with a story on creepers, a shoe trend that’s still going strong.

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Easter Day Vibes: Easter is today! Shop some of my favorite pieces for spring!

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Easter Kimoji: We debuted a surprise pack of new Easter Kimoji!!! Get them now.

Look Who I Met…My ‘twin’ Kamilla Osman!!! We have a surprise up our sleeves, you’ll have to watch Keeping Up With Kardashians to see what it is!”

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-Kim Kardashian, Kim Kardashian West App

I’m sorry, but am I counting wrong, or do I only read 4 advertisements for Kim Kardashian products, instead of “Top 5 Instagram Tips,” that were allegedly supposed to give me a “fab” Instagram!!!

Ruh Roh!
Discover Magazine

Kim Kardashian manipulates her audiences using subtle and effective advertising techniques, that work because people either:

A) Know exactly the game that is being played and loving every second of it, willingly

B) Not knowing that Kim Kardashian, and the Kardashian Empire, are influencing your decisions and altering your money spending habits to satisfy a marketing agenda.

I’ve summarized in the article into a much more readable version for those of you who aren’t convinced:

Kim Kardashian’s “Real” Top 5 Instagram Tips:

  1. Buy Creepers and make me money from endorsements
  2. Buy these clothes that I sell somewhere… and I’m not going to tell you where so you have to find them!! MUAHAHAHAHA
  3. Download my app, use my custom emojis so that your friends will use them and make me more mainstream
  4. Watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians
  5. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Ignore the mystery and allure

In the app, there are “locked” articles that can only be seen by paying for them. Some of the previews for this exclusive content won’t provide a picture or a description. This makes you want to find out what it is, and SURPRISE! You’ll most likely be disappointed.

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Source: Kim Kardashian West App

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Source: Kim Kardashian West App
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Source: Kim Kardashian West App

5.  #PRODUCTPORN 

This is a section of the app where you can unlock the ability to see Kim’s ….advice? I don’t even know what to call the “exclusive content.” Anyways, essentially you have to pay, to learn about a product, that you’ll have to buy….WTF?!?!?!

6. “This Week on Instagram”

Another string of content that Kardashian claims,

From [Name Drop’s] dinner after the [Awards show you missed] to hikes and lots of family time, check out all my pics from Insta

-Kim Kardashian, Kim Kardashian West App

Again, like we saw in Nothing Articles, we have mediated text that isn’t really saying anything. The entire page is dedicated to her “Lumee Case,”which is an expensive phone case that makes your selfies brighter. What people don’t realize is that Kim Kardashian and her friends use a Lumee Case with professional hair and makeup done, while us common folk will seem a lot less pretty with regular hair and makeup… do you catch my drift?

7. Don’t copy Kim Kardashian’s Hairstyle

Express

Have you been to a mall lately? Take a look around and see who girls are styling their hair like these days. I’ll tell you one thing, it’s not Katniss Everdeen anymore.

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